April 13, 2019 (March 2019 newsletter)

Hello again! The weather has been pretty nice lately, at least in this area. Not so much in the midwest. And maybe not here this evening. Our lights have already flickered off-on several times.

In sports news, the "Masters" golf tournament is going on. Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods appears to be somewhat near the lead as I write this. We can only hope that Tiger, while hunting for a lost ball in the trees, is eaten by wild pigs. Or at least he will heptuple-bogie five holes in a row. The "Masters - A Tradition Unlike Any Other" - I hate to recycle my jokes, but as I said two years ago, so is "Nathan's Hot-Dog Eating Contest". Uh-oh! Update - well, you know what happened. No wild pigs, no heptuple bogies. Sigh.

The NCAA basketball championships just ended. In response, perhaps, to my wishes, three of the four teams I most love to hate - Duke, UNC and Kentucky, all went out early. And don't try to tell me that "Zion" somehow made Duke "lovable"! Unfortunately, the fourth one, and we all know who that is, did not fall.

Some of the tv ads during the NCAA basketball shows were puzzling if not downright irritating. Who the heck asked for "orange/vanilla/coke"? And "Phil", the "just okay" sports announcer. He was maybe funny the first time you saw him, and maybe the second time, but the eighty-seventh time? Not so much. And then there was "Dove Men+Care Moisturizing Body Wash" for men. Are there "men" lining up to buy this? Can you picture, say, Teddy Roosevelt, Brock Lesnar or Han Solo using this?

The NBA playoffs have begun. This is the 493-game tournament to determine that the Golden State Warriors are the champions. For all you Lebron haters, and I know you're out there, the Lakers did not make the playoffs, mainly because LJ suffered a major injury to a major part and missed eighteen games, in which time LA went from fourth place to somewhere so far down you had to turn the page to see them in the standings. Then the Lakers - to use a favorite sportscaster word - "imploded", with "Magic" quitting, the coach being fired, and Jeanie Buss trying to figure out which family members and friends she can replace them with.

In baseball, Chris Davis of the Orioles set a major league record for going 54 consecutive, in a row, one after the other, at bats without a hit. He was quoted as saying afterwards, in a blinding flash of insight, "that's a long time to go without a hit".

In honor of the Masters tournament, a Masters trivia question. Who was the first non-US player to win the masters. I couldn't tell you who won last year. (see answer below)

I found this story interesting. A fellow who collects old coin-operated machines bought two of these machines which had been on the Coney Island boardwalk. He was surprised to find in them 428 mint arcade cards - the famous Exhibit cards, which are typically listed as "1947-66 Exhibits". I have one of these myself (the Eddie Mathews, of course), but I never knew anything about them. These two machines contained baseball player, football player, boxer and cowboy movie star cards. Apparently in those days you could put in the required coin or coins and get a random card from the machine. These particular cards are believed to be from the very late 1940's or very early 1950's.

The Mile High Card Company offered in their March auction a complete set of bats autographed by every member of the "500 Home Run" club. The collection sold for $300,000. The Eddie Mathews, which I did not buy, went for $18,000.

The Tom "Delated Balls" Brady rookie card, the 2000 Playoff Contenders, continues to climb in value. You know that the Championship Ticket #100 sold in January for $400,000. And PSA 10 versions of the unnumbered Rookie Ticket are selling in the range of $100,000. I did not buy these either.

Appearing on the collecting scene are 1912-14 Garter cards - no, these are NOT what you're thinking. These are portrait cards of baseball players actually wearing the Boston Garter company products. A graded Joe Jackson sold earlier this year for $480,000. For more info on these, click here.

It's probably not fair for one stupid play to cause somebody to wind up in this section. But we don't have to be fair, do we. In 1997, Gus Frerotte, one of a string of highly unsuccessful quarterbacks for Washington, celebrated a touchdown by butting his head into the padding which covered a steel wall. The result: he sprained his neck and had to go to the hospital, thereby missing the rest of the game.

Let's go again to the United Kingdom. "Straw racing" reportedly is held "every summer in the Pennine village of Oxenhope, near Keighley, UK." The participants must carry a bale of straw along a course with a number of stops, at each of which he or she must drink a pint of beer. Many of us have played this game, except without the straw or the running, but with the pints of beer . You may not see the fun in "straw racing", but remember these ARE the Brits, so I suppose it rivals their other favorite sports such as cricket, soccer or cheese rolling.

Today, winning and losing.

April is "Celebrate Diversity Month", which I will celebrate with my family and friends, who are all pretty much exactly like me. April is also "Mathematics and Statistics Awareness Month", which I celebrated just today by buying this book. The week of 4/21 - 4/27 is a celebration I'm just itching to remind you of, "Bedbug Awareness Week". The first week of April was "Laugh at Work Week"; I personally laugh at work every day of the year, especially that being done by other people. And, of course, April 15th is "Tax Day" in the U.S.; if you're getting a refund, congratulations! You loaned the government a bunch of money for a year INTEREST FREE. Well done! No doubt they'll do something nice for you.

In 1961 Gary Player of South Africa was the first golfer from outside the U.S. to win the masters. He went on to win again in 1974 and 1978.

There was no April 2019 newsletter)

June 1, 2019 (May 2019 newsletter)

Hello again! Alert readers probably noticed that there was no newsletter last month. My research and editorial staff were so busy watching the NBA playoffs that they failed to get the letter done. Rest assured that all of them have been fired and replaced, so we should be back on track. Wish I could write like my former schoolmate "Chuck" Dickens. But all he had to do was come up with an orphan, a mean person to mistreat the orphan, and several supporting characters with funny names like "Bumbleshoot", "Fumblebutt", or "Belichick", and - bang! - he had a best seller. On the other hand, my staff and I spend literally (literally!) hours in research for this column, which, I might add, you get for free!

In sports news, there was a disappointing report from Florida which said that a judge has "sealed" the video of Patriots' owner Robert Kraft "allegedly" fooling around with a, uh, lady of easy virtue. I know we are all extremely disappointed that we won't get to see this, at least until TMZ or somebody gets a copy. Defense lawyers say that jurors could not be impartial in trying Kraft for solicitation if they see a video of him actually, well, "solicitating". Makes sense.

The Kentucky Derby was run a few weekends ago and ended in controversy. The first place horse was disqualified for a blocking foul ("block" or "charge" - the hardest call to make in horse racing). I have no opinion on this except, haha, "I don't care", but lots of folks won or lost money on the decision. The KD is widely known as "the MOST EXCITING TWO MINUTES IN SPORTS" (hahahahaha!), except possibly for Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest or the Cheese Rolling chase previously described in this publication, and maybe several thousand other sports. For another opinion on the Derby and horse racing, click here. There was no "triple crown" winner this year unlike 2018 when Justify won the "triple crown". Also winning a crown last year was Meghan Markle, who got a crown with lots of diamonds and stuff that also came with a real prince. Which crown would YOU rather have?

In unhappy sports news, Bart Starr died last week. He was, of course, one of the all-time great Green Bay Packers. I won't go into a discussion of his career because you've probably seen all that anyway. What I will say is that the Packers were the first NFL team I rooted for beginning in 1960. I will never forget Chuck Bednarik of the Eagles tackling Packers fullback Jim Taylor just short of the goal line as time ran out in the NFL championship game that year. Green Bay and Starr came back, however, winning five of the next seven NFL championships as well as claiming victories in the first two Super Bowls (known then as "The AFL-NFL Championship Game").

In other sports news, as I mentioned earlier, the NBA playoffs are in their last throes, with Toronto playing Golden State. The "Warriors" started out in Philadelphia, but I guess just one city was not enough to showcase their greatness, so they claimed a whole state. Both teams skidded in at least partly by massive choke jobs by opponents: Houston in the west and Philadelphia in the east. Toronto has a fan with the unlikely name of "Drake", if I've got that right. I have no idea who or what he is, except that he's an extremely obnoxious front row fan. The Raptors won the first game last night.

In another NBA story, Doc Rivers, coach of the Clippers, was fined $50,000 for basically saying, with a firm grasp of the obvious, "Kawhi Leonard is a good player", The league claims this violated the "anti-tampering rule". Suppose he'd said "Jeremy Lin is a good player" - would he still have been fined? How much - fifty cents?

In honor of the NBA playoffs, what NBA team was the first to win the NBA finals 3 or more years in a row? Warning: it may not be who you think.

Tom Brady may be planning to develop a line of trading cards featuring him, of course. This is indicated by a trademark filing by Brady of the name "Tom Terrific" with one application being "for trading cards". We all know, of course, that the only true Tom Terrific was the long-time cartoon character on the "Captain Kangaroo" show. Tom, along with his sidekick, Mighty Manfred the Wonder Dog, battled his arch-foe Crabby Appleton. Here's hoping somebody will block this heinous misuse of a treasured icon's name! Click here. for The REAL Tom Terrific.

A baseball card from 1860 - one of only three known to exist and one of the earliest - was sold in April by Heritage Auctions for $180,000. The card of the Brooklyn Atlantic Base Ball Club had been in a family for five generations. For more info, click here.

A story I missed back in January - this helmet autographed by 111 NFL Hall-of-Famers was due to be sold by Hunt Auctions. I cannot find if it actually sold or if it did, for how much. I also don't see anything about any authentications for the signatures. It is, however, a cool looking piece.

Although this was not an on-the-field play, it does involve a pro athlete and several of my favorite things to laugh at: hockey, bagpipes and explosions. Hockey goalie Glenn Healy was cleaning his bagpipes when they exploded in his face, thereby requiring forty stitches to his face. It was not reported how many stitches the bagpipes required. We do know that his family, next-door neighbors and teammates tried to keep a sad face on for Glenn, but were unsuccessful.

Here we go once again to (where else) Great Britain, this time for the exciting sport of "shin kicking". The name says it all: two contestants stand holding each other's shoulders and proceed to kick each other's shins. The loser is the first who lets go or falls down. My sources report that the sport began in seventeenth-century England and that the "official" world championship is held near the town of (seriously) Chipping Campden. I find it hard to imagine why this "sport" hasn't spread world-wide, especially to the U.S. - it has everything we like in a sport, including violence, pain and (presumably) blood. We could replace political debates with shin kicking - I'd watch, and I bet YOU would, too.

Today, outstanding logic.

Since we missed the May newsletter, I'll go back and tell what you may have missed. May was "Borderline Personality Disorder Month", which I'm sure includes and is perhaps defined by an obsession with collecting sports cards; May was also "Older Americans Month", which each year I encourage you to celebrate with great gusto - speaking as one who is not only an "American" but also "older"; the 5th through the 11th was "National Raisin Week", during which, like for Older Americans Month, we celebrate that which is dried up, wrinkled and not really recognizable for what it started out as; May 4th was "International Sauvignon Blanc Day", which is a day my wife celebrates much more frequently than once a year; and, finally, the 11th was (remember, I'm not making these up) "Root Canal Appreciation Day", for those of you who are tired of playing "shin kicking" and want more pain.

To catch up with June: June is "International Surf Music Month - celebrate by listening to this all-time great classic from 1963 (great choreography and magical guitars that aren't even plugged in!) Click here; June 8th is the "Queen's Official Birthday", which I believe celebrates the actual Queen of England, not the rock group - I think she turns 135 this year (Prince Chuck, who turns 98 this year, is still waiting his turn to be king - in the old days he would just have thrown the old girl off the London Bridge and got on with it); June 4th is "Hug Your Cat Day", which I believe is followed on the 5th by "Visit the ER to Get Those Scratches Stitched Up Day"; and, finally, June 14th is "International Bath Day" - if you only take one bath a year this is the day to do it (and fortunately it's the day before our show!).

The Minneapolis Lakers (now the LA Lakers) were the first to win 3 or more NBA championships in a row. They did it in 1951/52, 1952/53, and 1953/54. Of course, the kings of winning multiple NBA championships in a row are the Boston Celtics. They won 8 in a row starting with the 1958/59 season and ending with the 1965/66 season.

July 14, 2019 (June 2019 newsletter)

Hello again! Here it is, July again, and half of 2019 is gone. It follows that we have "Christmas in July". This is not surprising, maybe, for the "Hallmark Channel", which dumps sappy Christmas movies into your tv cable all year long. But we have many stores and retail outlets advertising "Christmas in July". I guess they can't wait for the official start of the Christmas season, which comes, of course, around Labor Day.

In sports news, ESPN is broadcasting what I consider the very most exciting and entertaining event they show - the World Series of Poker Main Event! The coverage on Monday evening was due to begin at 10:00, which meant I could watch a little bit before falling asleep, BUT the stupid, pointless, boring so-called "Home Run Derby" ran very late and bumped the WSOP well beyond my bed time. And the "Derby" was on BOTH channels! Thanks, ESPN. As I've said before, you could train King Kong to swing a bat, and he could knock the ball from Cleveland clear into Canada, and what would be the point? It's not like baseball fans can't see a ton of homers in every real game ("I swear the ball isn't juiced" - Rob Manfred). And Vlad Jr can hit 91 or 491 "homers" in the "derby", and the Blue Jays are still going to be 23 losses under .500 and 24.5 games behind the Yankees.

The "Home Run Derby" was a part of the "All-Star" weekend. Regular readers of this letter know that I'm no fan of all-star games, which I consider completely meaningless. I mean, as a fan of Atlanta, I root all season long against the NY Muts, the Philadelphia Phoolies, the Washington Nits and the hapless Miami Fish. So for one day I'm supposed to root for Max Scherzer or, heaven help us, Bryce Harper (oops, sorry - I guess the billion-dollar man didn't make the team). If I want to watch Freddy Freeman or Ronald Acuna, wouldn't I prefer to see them in a game that actually means something?

The "Tour De France" bicycle "race" is going on now - in France, as you may have guessed. Unlike most races, such as auto races, marathons, or cheese rolling, that begin and then actually end, the "TDF" seems to go on forever. It appears to go over the Alps, the Appenines, and for all I know, the Smokies, before it finally ends in Paris, where, I believe, they must ride up the Eiffel Tower to the finish line. I can't find where the TDF has had any doping scandals for a year or two, which means, of course, that the riders have learned their lesson, or perhaps that the riders and their pharmacists are getting smarter.

The NBA playoffs were fun, I thought, especially since the "Golden State (soon to be San Francisco) Warriors" lost. Oh, I know - they had lots of injuries. I do not wish serious injury on anybody, but if it had to happen to somebody, well ...

A holiday I don't list below is July 1 - known in New York and around baseball as "Bobby Bonilla Day". Bonilla, who hasn't played since 2001 for anybody, will get $1.19 million every July 1st until 2035 from the Mutts as part of a deal made in 2000. You can argue whether Bobby would have come out better if he had taken his full buyout in 2000, but the fact is he's making more per year now than Peter Alonso, Dominic Smith or Edwin Diaz.

I don't want to overlook the very exciting "Wimbledon" tennis tournament, I was all set to cut and paste my annual line: "Stop me if you've heard this before, but Serena Williams is cruising through the Wimbledon tennis championship. Yeah, I don't care, either", but then I saw in this morning's paper that she actually lost in the finals. My staff reports that Serena is 73 years old, so I guess it's understandable that ... oh, sorry, I misread that - she's actually only 37 years old, which is still gettin' on up there for a tennis player.

And I think there was some soccer ("futbol") going on here and there as well as the "Cricket" championships in England, but I've run out of time. Sorry, "minor sports" fans.

What U.S. baseball team was originally called the "White Stockings". Careful!

Edward of Carnavon reigned as King Edward II of England from 1307 to 1327. Although his reign seems to have been unremarkable, and my sources can't find that he played any of the traditional British sports such as cheese rolling or shin kicking, he does get into my Hall of Unsung Sports Heroes for having made this decree: "For as much as there is great noise in the city caused by the hustling over large balls from which many evils might arise, which God forbid; we commend and forbid, on behalf of the King, on pain of imprisonment, such game to be used in the city in the future." He was, of course, talking about soccer.

Once again we go to Great Britain, this time for the very wet "sport" of "Octopush". This is basically underwater hockey, where the players slap around a small puck-like object with the intention of batting the puck into the opponents' goal. What makes it a little more difficult is that the players must hold their breath while underwater in the pool. The British Octopush Association (BOA) runs the sport. As you can see from this clip, it oozes with all the excitement of watching a tropical fish tank. I don't see anything that looks like a referee. Watch here.

More outstanding logic.

Today, as I write this, July 14th, is "Shark Awareness Day" - I'm keeping my eyes peeled but so far not a single shark; the 15th is "National Pet Fire Safety Day" - if your pet dog, cat or hippo is grilling out back or perhaps smoking in bed, be sure they are aware of the dangers; for the mathematically inclined among you, July 22 is "Casual Pi Day (22/7)" - I know in this country we'd write it 7/22, but, by golly, it's still funny; July 1st for some reason was "U.S. Postage Stamp Day" - for you millennials who don't know what "postage" or a "stamp" is (and probably don't even know what the "U.S." is), ask your Grandpa; finally, July is "National Anti-Boredom Month", which you can celebrate by reading this newsletter over and over and over again.

The Chicago Cubs started as the "White Stockings" in 1870. Later they became the "Colts" and, strangely enough, the "Orphans", before finally becoming the "Cubs" in 1902.

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