March 5th, 2017 (February 2017 newsletter)

In sports news, Major League Baseball has cranked up again. Spring training is in full bloom, and the regular season is about to start - that happy time as I always say when everybody's in first place and hope overflows. Many people are trying to put more "fun" into the games, appearing to believe that "bat flips" and more mouth-running is what we need. This, of course, is to appeal to the "younger generation" who have the attention span of a brick. To speed up the game they are doing away with the "intentional walk" and will just wave the batter down to first base. Yep, this should knock literally seconds off the average game length.

Related to BB, I just finished reading Brian Kenny's book "Ahead of the Curve". The MLB network host is a huge proponent of the new baseball metrics and theories, and it's an interesting book even if you don't agree with everything he says. I'm also close to finishing "Billy Martin: Baseball's Flawed Genius" by Bill Pennington - really good book and not just for Yankee fans.

Speaking of baseball and the Yankees, here's a trivia question for you. Everybody knows that the first home run in the old Yankee Stadium was hit by Babe Ruth in the first game played there. (Come on, you knew that.) But who hit the first post-season home run in that stadium? Answer below.

Of course the NFL is never far from the news. They just held their "combine". In farming, a combine is a thing that chews up plants and spits out grain. In the NFL a combine is a thing that chews up college boys and spits out professional men. I'm thinking it may be a little bit like "America's Next Top Model", although I confess I've never watched either one.

Hold on! Flash! In soccer (or "futbol") news, Atletico Madrid (I believe they are the "Spanish Mackerels") just defeated Valencio (the "Quantum Jumps"). My sources report that this is a big deal, although they don't say why. In closer-to-home soccer news, the 2017 MLS soccer ("Major League Soccer soccer") season opened with a thrilling 0-0 ("nil-nil") tie between two teams. How long would the NFL last if a lot of games ended up 0-0?

In "amateur sports" (hahahahaha), college basketball's post season is about to start. This is known as "March Madness", I believe, because of all the people who get "mad" because their "bracket" is completely wrecked by some 12th-seeded team that makes the final eight. This year maybe that will be Virginia Tech (hahahaha). Well, we can hope.

Well, I guess that's about all the sports news. Oh, wait, I'm being reminded that there was a football game last month - the "Super Bowl" - number 51 if I'm counting right. I never watch the Super Bowl because I can't stand the nauseating unending hype, and because I never care who's playing anyway. I also have no interest in the so-called halftime "entertainment". I wouldn't know "Lady Gaga" if she ran up and French-kissed me. But my wife always watches for the commercials. I did walk in with about seven minutes remaining in regulation and sat down to watch. I was then treated to the absolute BIGGEST chokey choke in all the history of chokey chokes. How GLAD I am that I got to see that!

Answer to the trivia question: In the first game of the 1923 World Series, "The Old Perfesser", Casey Stengel, playing for the New York Giants, hit an inside the park home run in the 9th inning - the first post-season HR in Yankee Stadium history. For an entertaining and super-fast look at this historic moment, take a peek at [Oops! Sorry - this page seems to have been deleted. I can't find it anywhere.]

April 5th, 2017 (March 2017 newsletter)

Hi, boys and girls. I think spring has sprung for real. Now that popular season that everyone looks forward to has begun. I'm referring, of course, to the pollen season, when your house, your car, and your pets all turn a nice yellow color, and your nose is in permanent sneeze mode. Still, it beats winter.

Before we get started, here's another trivia question for you. You all know Lee Corso - ESPN college football analyst whose car was famously struck by lightning at a Va Tech football game. Corso actually played football for Florida State in the 1950's (no word on how many times he was arrested). His teammate and roommate went on to fame in a different field. Can you name the teammate? (Answer below)

Of course spring is also the time that baseball cranks up. I don't believe my Braves are mathematically eliminated just yet, so there's still hope. The critical favorites to clash in the World Series are the Cubs and the Red Sox. The Cubs could miss out, of course, if they have season-ending injuries to all of their eight starting position players. The Red Sox could lose if the Yankees have a surprising season - hahahahaha!

In MLB obits, Roy Sievers, whom we old-timers remember from his days with the old Washington Senators/Minnesota Twins and the White Sox, died at age 90. He was one of the top home run hitters in the 1950's.

Well, the NCAA basketball championship battle has ended with, sadly, the North Carolina "Tar Heels" winning it all. Now we can get back to the important stuff, like their years and years of academic cheating. Because, of course, they are supposed to be "student athletes" - hahahahaha!

Just for the heck of it, here's some football news you may not have heard. Well, not exactly news. You know that the University of Texas are the "Longhorns", and they have a longhorn, which apparently is some sort of cow, as a mascot. In 1920, they were having trouble paying the upkeep expense on their mascot, so they fattened him (her?) up, slaughtered him/her, and served it up for dinner at the annual sports banquet. (This according to Bleacherreport). So much for sentiment. But, when I think about it, they serve those hideous turkey legs at Lane Stadium for VT home games. But I don't think they come from the actual mascot.

I don't often do golf news, because in general golf is even more boring than soccer. But maybe you saw how a "fan" called in on SUNDAY to report that Lexi Thompson had made some mysterious penalty on SATURDAY. And you think the NFL replays are slow! At the time she was easily winning the tournament, but she got a 4-shot penalty and went on to lose in a playoff. As far as I know, golf is the only sport that allows TV viewers to make penalty calls. This is just a little asinine in my opinion.

In other golf news, Dustin Johnson, who is, I believe, hot stuff on the men's tour, fell down some steps at his house and may miss the Masters. The Masters - you know - a "Tradition unlike any other". But so, I believe, is Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest.

A big sports story which I would be remiss in not mentioning: the Ford World Men's Curling Championship is actually going on now. It's on TV, I think, although I haven't actually watched. A sport rivaled in excitement and drama only perhaps by golf and hot-dog-eating contests! The sweeping! The sliding on your knees! The watching the, well, whatever it's called, sliding, sliding, sliding, sliding, endlessly sliding towards the target! I would have watched all of it but "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" was on at the same time.

Answer to the trivia question: Corso's roommate and teammate was actor Burt Reynolds.

May 4th, 2017 (April 2017 newsletter)

Well, it's pretty much the rainy season here in Roanoke. I'm sure many of you follow a schedule like this: stay out of the rain one day, then mow your grass the next day. Haha! But that's good. The "experts" say you should mow your grass like four times a week, not cutting off more than two millimeters at a time. That's the problem with experts, I always say: they have WAY too much time on their hands.

Anyway, in what's becoming a sort of regular thing with me (and, of course, at a certain age being "regular" is important), here's another trivia question for you, or at least for the three or four baseball fans out there. What was the only MLB team to win TWO World Series in the 1980's? Hint - it wasn't the Yankees. Or the Cubs. (Answer below)

Let's run through some of the important sports news. In NASCAR, Dale Jr is retiring after this year. He will join already-retired Jeff Gordon, Carl Edwards, and Tony Stewart. And to make the future even dimmer for NASCAR, it's rumored that Danica Patrick will soon retire as well. Can the sport survive? Among those five drivers that's a total of 196 career top-circuit wins: Gordon 93, Edwards 28, Jr. 26, Stewart 49, and, well, that adds up to 196. But Danica DOES look good in a swimsuit.

The NBA playoffs are going on, and as of today the Cavaliers are still undefeated. If they can just get by Toronto, they still have to go through either Boston or Washington to get to the finals. Do they have any chance? Hahahahahaha!

Speaking of playoffs, the NHL is also playing off. I won't bore you with who's winning and losing, because who cares? I do, however, get a kick out of the team nicknames, which in some cases rival those of minor league baseball teams. You have the Pittsburgh "Penguins", Anaheim "Ducks", Minnesota "Wild", Abilene "Atom Bombs", Yukon "Frozen Behinds", Alabama "Crimson Tide", and Scranton "Mini Coopers". Okay, I made some of those up, but, admit it, you're not real sure which ones are phony.

Of interest to Yankee fans, rookie Aaron Judge is off to a great start, leading MLB in home runs with 13. Useless stat: my sources report that as of yesterday, at least, he is the ONLY Yankee rookie EVER to lead MLB in homers at any time in the season. I'm sure his cards will be available at our next show, possibly even at my table, although I would never use this forum to pimp my own stuff.

In the never-ending NFL hype storm, the draft was recently held. Again I won't bore you with the details, because I really don't know what they are, but it's interesting that Todd McShay has already produced his first projected draft for 2018 (no word on 2019 or later). Please see my note above about "experts".

Finally, quickly moving up the ladder of families you love to hate, rapidly catching up to the "Kardashians", the British "Royal Family", and several political names which I won't mention, is LaVar Ball and his sons, Lonzo, Leo, Lobo, Leggo, and Dog, or whatever. You no doubt know that Lonzo is likely to be at or near the top of the next NBA draft, and his daffy dad is trying mightily to wring everything out of it he can. They have announced $495 sneakers featuring the "ZO" logo. Of course, the iniquity of the father does not necessarily have to be visited on the son, but it sure does set up a scenario where it seems to be very easy to root against Lonzo.

Now for some soccer scores from yesterday: 1-1, 1-0 and a very thrilling 0-0 ("nil-nil") tie.................................................... Ooh, sorry! I dozed off there for a bit.

Answer to the trivia question: The LA Dodgers won in 1981 and 1988.

June 1, 2017 (may 2017 newsletter)

Hello again my card-collecting friends. As I write this, May is winding down, having spent much of its energy on two very important holidays: Mother's Day and Memorial Day. My Mother passed away over twenty years ago, so there's less celebrating and more remembering. We did, however, celebrate Mother's Day at our house, as our two cats presented Sue with some cards and some thoughtful presents (a dead mouse and a hairball). They think of her as their Mom, even though she didn't actually give birth to them, as you may have guessed.

And Memorial Day is, of course, also a day of remembrance, a day to commemorate the list of those who died in service to this country. I wish that some day we could reach a time when that list would stop growing.

Other May holidays included Truman Day, if you live in Missouri; Rhode Island Independence Day, if you live in Rhode Island; and Cinco De Mayo, that Hispanic holiday which is apparently celebrated everywhere except in the Hispanic countries.

A reminder, speaking of holidays, Father's Day is coming up June 18, which is the day after our June show. Be sure to check us out for nice gifties for the sports-minded Dads in your life.

But enough chitchat.

Okay, this month's trivia question. In 1974, Chris Evert was one of the top three money winners in two different sports. Old timers will know that one was tennis. What was the other? (Answer below)

As regular readers of this epistle know, I try to keep you updated on the latest sports news. I may not be very successful at that - what do I look like - ESPN? But I'm also trying to keep you updated on sports history. Two newsletters ago I reported how the Texas Longhorn fans once ate their mascot. Now here's a story from Olympics history. In the 1900 Olympics there was a live pigeon shooting event. Yep - they released hundreds of live pigeons, and the participants blasted away. The blood! The feathers! Oh, the humanity! Apparently this was the first and last appearance of this event in the Olympics. I know that some of you may think that the only good pigeon is a dead pigeon, but can you imagine this event in today's Olympics? Since this event was held in France, I'm sure the dead birds were hauled off to some restaurant where they were roasted and served with a nice white wine.

Okay, a MAJOR HUGE sports story I missed last year, and I'll bet you did too: the North American Wife Carrying Championship, which was held last October in Newry, Maine (which is a small town near, well, there's nothing in Maine to be near to, except Canada). Yes, the guy carries his wife (or girlfriend is allowed) through an obstacle course of logs, sand and mud. Apparently the winners qualified for this year's world championship wife carrying competition to be held in Finland this summer. I presume the obstacles there will be snow, ice, reindeer and out-of-work hockey players. Don't worry, boys and girls, if you missed last year's competition - I believe it will be held again this year. I'll mention that part of the winner's prize - and I'm not making this up - is the woman's weight in beer. Since my wife reads this newsletter, I'm going to stop right there.

ln more recent sports news, this from the world of golf: former professional golfer Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods was arrested Monday for DUI. He says it was a mix of "prescription" drugs that had unexpected side effects. He DID blow a zero on the breathalyzer, so maybe so. Regular readers here know I DO love to throw verbal darts at ET, but we don't know what really happened here. Perhaps he has a problem, or maybe it WAS a combination of prescriptions. Neither one to me is a joking matter.

ln NFL news .... well, strangely enough there was NO NFL news this month. (I believe the entire NFL Office of Hype has been fired.) Oh, wait! My sources tell me that they're changing the overtime period from 15 minutes to 10 minutes. Supposedly this will reduce injuries. Never mind the Thursday-night-on-3-days-off games, the desire to extend the season to 18 games, the long flights to England for games. I think if they're serious about reducing injuries, then the players should have to dress in Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man suits.

In other less important sports, golf's US Open is coming up and tennis's French Open is, I believe, going on now. These events are called "open" because anyone is allowed to play. But I'll bet they wouldn't let ME or YOU play. Not sure which event is more boring, except that in golf at least the scenery changes a little, and there's less grunting.

Answer to the trivia question: Thoroughbred horse racing! "Chris Evert" was a horse which was named 3-year-old filly of the year. No apologies for the trick question!

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