October 7th, 2017 (September 2017 newsletter)
Hello again, sports fans, and welcome to Woody's Wacky World. I know I'm late with this month's letter, so relax and enjoy.
I guess if I lead off with Va Tech winning (last newsletter), then in fairness I should also lead off when they lose. (That will make at least half of you happy!) But did any of you out there - even the most die-hard Hokie fans - think Tech would go into the Clemson game - a BIG game against a nationally-ranked team - with any chance of winning or even playing respectably? Well, I didn't. But life goes on. And Boston College falls.
Big news in college basketball - you know, pure "amateur" athletics. Apparently some coaches were being bribed to steer players towards selected shoe companies. The biggest to fall is Rick Pitino of Louisville, who has managed previously to ooze his way out of several unseemly incidents. He's dodged more bullets than Wonder Woman. Not this time - "you're fired!". Louisville is apparently about to enter a $160 million contract with Adidas. Since Pitino got 98% of the money from their previous contract, how much would he have gotten out of this one?
In golf, the LPGA women's open in New Zealand was blasted by gale force winds. Some players complained because officials didn't stop play sooner. Wimps! I think watching golf would be vastly more entertaining if there were gale force winds, perhaps some hail (golf-ball sized, please!), and maybe even a little lightning. Hey, it was fun in "Caddyshack".
Here's a trivia question for you - should be easy for those of you who know me. Which baseball teammates homered in the same game the most times: a. Maris/Mantle, b. Mays/McCovey, c. Aaron/Mathews, d. Gehrig/Ruth? (Answer below)
I have recently made fun of sports in "Great" Britain, picking on such things as cricket, soccer and cheese-rolling.
However, I missed this super big British sports story from June - the annual running of the man-vs-horse race. That's right - folks race against
horses over a rugged 20-some mile course. A horse won, as has usually (though not always) been the case.
Here's more on the event: Man vs Horse
The first finishing human was quoted as saying "Just shoot me now". The winning horse was quoted as saying "Nooooooow, Wiiiiiiilbur".
As if we needed more reminder of winter coming on, the TV is already full of promos for the "Winter Olympics" which is coming in February, I believe. The closest I personally get to winter sports is finding someone to shovel the snow off our driveway. Some of you who, like me, are of a certain age and went to Va Tech will remember that fun-filled winter sport of watching people come out of Owens Dining Hall and hitting that ice at the bottom of the steps. Whew! Peggy Fleming got nothin' on the moves they made! While we're on the subject, here's a bonus trivia question for you: what country has won the most medals in the Winter Olympics? No, it's not some frost-bitten country in the far-flung frozen Arctic, like Finland or Minnesota! It's actually the USA. Hey! Why not Winter Olympics golf? Gale-force winds, sleet, brandy-totin' Saint Bernards! I'd watch.
I missed reporting last month on upcoming holidays. Hope I didn't cause you to miss September's National Waffle Week, Mold Awareness Month, or Minimally Invasive Surgery Week, all great things to participate in (I personally ate some waffles and had minimally invasive surgery). Coming up this month we have National Liver Awareness Month - I try not to let a day go by without being aware of my liver; Learn to Bowl Month - if you feel that golf just isn't quite exciting enough for you; National Chili Month - which encourages you to eat a big bowl of chili every day, to be celebrated concurrently with National Get To Know Your Bathroom Month; and YWCA Week Without Violence (16th-20th) - I know the police will be happy to get a week without all those calls to the YWCA. The fights they have over the hair dryers!
In MLB news, the playoffs have started, but I don't think I'll comment, since I think I've already lost one FB friend because of my posts there. Just because I remarked that one of the teams has lost two straight. I won't mention their name, but they do wear rosy-colored foot coverings inside their shoes.
Answer to the trivia question: c. Hank Aaron and Eddie Mathews. They did it 75 times. They also hit 1267 round-trippers as teammates, the most in MLB history.
November 8th, 2017 (October 2017 newsletter)
Well, here I am again, late as usual. I know your lives are just little empty without this monthly missive, and I apologize. Anyway, here goes.
Thanksgiving is coming up this month, that happy holiday I always refer to as the start of the how-much-weight-can-you-gain-in-just-4-weeks season. You may have missed noticing this coming holiday because of the Christmas advertising blitz which started, oh, six weeks or so ago. It just seemed wrong to see so many Jack-o-lanterns carved with Santa Claus faces. Far be it from me to harp on Christmas, with all the goodies our show has to offer for the sports fans on your list. I'd never misuse this letter as a blatant sales pitch, in spite of the many gifts you can find at our show.
On to the sports news. The baseball season ended with an exciting Houston win over the Dodgers. I enjoyed the playoffs because I generally had good luck rooting for various teams. Of course, my team, Atlanta, narrowly missed the playoffs by just a few (dozen) games. But of the games and series I rooted for, I won four and lost three: winning Chicago over Washington (haha!), Houston over Boston, Houston over the Yankers (hahahahaha!), and Houston over LA.
The playoffs cost three managers their jobs. In a case of what-have-you-done-for-us lately, Joe Girardi was booted out of New York, despite having won a World Series and being in the playoffs six times in ten years. No doubt his players having struck out about 625 times in the 2017 playoffs was his fault. Also fired was Dusty Baker from the Washington Nits. Dusty, known to his friends as "Toothpick Charley", is widely regarded as one of that group of all-time great managers who have never actually won anything. Also fired was what's-his-name up in Boston. I could look up his name, but I don't care and neither do you.
In soccer, or "futbol", World Cup qualifying is nearing an end. Is there hope for Croatia, Honduras, Northern Ireland? Switzerland? Italy? Grand Fenwick? Ninevah? Narnia? Mordor? Balonia? Salamia? Isles of Langerhans? Transylvania? What third or fourth world country will prove to be the world's best at this sport? (Hint: it won't be the USA)
In golf news, Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods is due to make a return to pro golf this month at something called the "Hero Challenge". This comes on the heels of his plea bargain for dui where he'll have to be subject to random drug testing. I have no idea who are the other "heroes" who are being "challenged". I would hope they are as "heroic" as Eldrick.
Here's a trivia question for you - I find this to be an interesting fact. A man was about to be selected in the NBA draft by the Minneapolis Lakers (yes, kids - Minneapolis - that's where they started) when his leg was crushed in a work accident, thereby ending his NBA career before it started. This man, however, went all in on another career and became one of the all-time greats and most well-known people in this game. Name this Hall-of-Famer.
One of the famous Ball brothers (Leroy or Legume or Lestrade or whatever his name is) was arrested along with two UCLA teammates for shoplifting in China. I can think of several places where I'd rather be arrested than China, but Father Ball seems to think there's no problem. I'm sure once the Chinese authorities realize whom they're dealing with, they'll roll right over.
In serious news, the sports world lost two real heroes recently. Hall of Fame quarterback Y.A. Tittle died last month at the age of 91. Many of you may not remember him, but he was a star in the '50s and early '60s for the 49ers and the Giants. Also, Roy Halladay died in a plane crash November 7th. Regular readers here may know that I'm no Phillies' fan, but Halladay was a definite MLB star and by all reports was a well-respected person off the field as well. Reports indicate that the plane, which Halladay was piloting, may have crashed due to stunt flying that he was doing. I always think that day-to-day life affords you lots of opportunities to get hurt, so I don't go out of my way looking for other ways to damage or kill myself.
I usually like to keep you up on upcoming holidays. (As always, I am NOT making these up.) I hope my lateness with this report didn't cause you to miss filling your staplers on "Fill Our Staplers Day" (November 6th) or to fail to get an x-ray on "X-ray Day" (November 8th). Coming up this month: on the 19th "Rocky and Bullwinkle Day" - if you never knew moose and squirrel, then your life is a little poorer than it could have been; on the 24th, "Flossing Day" - if you can only floss one day a year, then make it this day; and for those of you with split personalities, "Black Friday" on the 24th, and "Buy Nothing Day" on the 24th and 25th.
Answer to the trivia question: Professional poker player Doyle Brunson.
January 8th, 2018 (December 2017 newsletter)
As we stumble into the new year, we are proud and happy to say that we are beginning our seventh year at Tanglewood. If you haven't seen it already, the schedule for 2018 is listed below. We hope everybody out there had a joyous and safe holiday season, and we're sure you're very glad to get back to work or school! Haha!
Let's catch up on some of the latest sports news. In our heartbreaking lead story, America's sweethearts have broken up. I'm referring, of course, to Danica Patrick and Ricky Stenhouse, Jr. Danica is perhaps finished with Nascar after her thrilling, missed-it-by-THAT-much, 37th place finish in 2017. She seems to be rebounding well, however, with a reported romance with (I'm NOT making this up) Aaron Rodgers.
In NFL news, Jon Gruden is leaving the broadcast booth to coach the Oakland (soon to be Las Vegas) Raiders. Here's Jon at his news conference:
The analysts say that regarding trading and free-agent signings,the MLB off-season has been very "slow". Football fans everywhere ask why should the off-season be different from the regular season?
Speaking of the MLB, here's the trivia question. You all know, of course, that Cal Ripken holds the record for most consecutive games played (2632), and that in second place is Lou Gehrig (2130). Who stands in third place?
I know you were shocked as I was to learn that even the sport of kayaking is not free from scandal. A Japanese kayaker spiked a rival's drink with an anabolic steroid causing the rival to fail a drug test. The guilty paddler has been banned from competition for eight years. What will be the next sport to fall: curling (illegal broom trimming)? Women's water ballet (inflatable bathing suits)? Winter Olympics biathlon (feloniously shooting an opponent)? Track and field (oh, wait! Never mind!)?
The NCAA football season did not end well for schools in Virginia. UVA lost (49-7! Haha!), Va Tech lost, and in a major disappointment for our Harrisonburg contingent, JMU lost their championship game in the FCS, whatever that is. And in a major disappointment for all those who hate the SEC, ....... well, never mind.
Speaking of disappointments - "Big Baller Brand" has been given an "F" rating by the Better Business Bureau for consistently poor customer service. They are also being sued by a primary supplier for non-payment. Lavar Ball basically says who you gonna believe - a bunch of nobodies like the BBB or an honest, upright, lovable guy like me?
Trivia question: Steve Garvey is in third place with a distant 1207 consecutive games played.
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